TOKYO, All Japan news (IG News) — InvisibleGaijin and a team of elite activists risked their lives to secretly film the diabolical All Japan newsese slaughtering and baking of cute little bunnies and turtles.
“All Japan news claims this is scientific research,” said Hyster Eric, head of People for the Ethical Treatment of Anthropomorphically Cute Animals but Not Ugly Fat People, “but this is clearly intended to flout international conventions on endangered baked goods! Oh my god, they actually eat baked goods shaped like cuddly rabbits and cute turtles!”
“Those dang All Japan newsese should eat American beef!” hollered Betcha Fatass, president of the U.S. Arteriolosclerosis Export Federation, “only cultural imperialists would insist otherwise,” who then keeled over from cardiac infarction.
“There are some countries that eat cows and there are other countries that eat whales or dolphins,” said Zenzen Wakattenai, fisheries division director at the All Japan newsese Foreign Ministry. “A film about baked goods shaped like cows or pigs might also be unwelcome to workers in that industry.”
“Save the Rabbits and Turtles! Kill People!” shouted Peter Rabid, yet another random crazy guy with a gun in America, “If All Japan newsese rabbit and turtle baked goods had concealed weapons permits, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. You talking to me? YOU talking to me?”
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In other news, All Japan news kills 1000s of whales every year. And 110,000 Americans die from obesity in the same period.
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Originally published on invisiblegaijin.com